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Photo: Bella Bridesmaids Birmingham / Elizabeth Black
Brides delight in asking their best friends to be in their wedding party. But for most brides, asking every close friend and loved one to be a bridesmaid just isn't possible.
And that's okay because you can ask them to be an honorary bridesmaid instead!
If you're wondering what an honorary bridesmaid is and what they do, welcome. This complete guide covers all the particulars of this highly supportive and necessary role.
What Is an Honorary Bridesmaid?
The roots of the honorary bridesmaid tradition trace back to the American South, where weddings are a huge deal. It's not uncommon for the guest list at a traditional wedding to be 400 people, plus!
It's not hard to imagine that, in situations like this, having a few extra helping hands is essential.
At its core, the role of an honorary bridesmaid is to be a go-to for the bride for extra wedding prep and wedding day help. But over the years, it has evolved.
Sometimes an honorary bridesmaid has specific bridesmaid duties. Sometimes an honorary bridesmaid serves as an usher or does a reading at the wedding ceremony. Sometimes, an honorary bridesmaid may not be able to partake in wedding planning or pre-wedding events but is invited to attend the rehearsal dinner and get dressed and prepped in the bridal suite with the wedding party.
Honorary bridesmaids are not "officially" part of the wedding party, but they do play important roles. They can also walk in the processional before the bridesmaids make their entrance and enjoy first or second-row seating to view your nuptials up close.
Honorary vs. Traditional Bridesmaids
Photo: Bella Bridesmaids Charleston / Haley Jane Photography
Honorary bridesmaids receive invites to all the pre-wedding events. That includes bridal showers, bachelorette parties, and rehearsal dinners.
On the special day, the honorary bridesmaid can beam with everyone else in the wedding photos. They may also walk down the aisle but not stand up at the altar with the other bridesmaids.
Many brides bestow the honorary bridesmaid title upon a friend that lives far away or cannot attend some events (sometimes even the wedding day).
Part of the "honorary" title alludes to how important that person is to the bride. It's a bride's way of showing she wants this person involved to the degree they can commit.
Being a regular bridesmaid, a maid of honor, or a matron of honor involves more responsibility. Being an honorary bridesmaid can mean you have limited duties or none whatsoever!
Do You Need an Honorary Bridesmaid?
Photo: Bella Bridesmaids Charlotte / Jim Trice
Here are some situations where it's helpful to appoint an honorary bridesmaid:
1. You Have a "Core Group" of Bridesmaids
You have a close group of friends, such as sorority sisters, but you'd also like to include your childhood bestie, who lives across the country.
Appointing her as an honorary bridesmaid shows her how important she is to you. And you can do that without putting too much pressure on her to purchase plane tickets and travel back and forth for each event.
2. You Want to Include Family
Perhaps you have an aunt or sister-in-law who you adore who's become a close friend and confidant. Asking an immediate family member to be an honorary bridesmaid is an excellent way to include them.
3. You Could Use the Support
For those throwing an extra-large celebratory bash, the more hands on deck, the better. Having an honorary bridesmaid (or two) to help with some of the wedding planning and day-of duties is a great way to honor a friend or loved one and enjoy a bit of extra help.
What Does an Honorary Bridesmaid Wear?
Photo: Bella Bridesmaids Indianapolis / Emma Carner Motz
Most honorary bridesmaids choose a dress that's slightly different from the bridesmaid dresses but still complements them beautifully.
The key is to find a look that ties everyone together. That can be through style, color, fabric — you name it.
For example, ask your honorary bridesmaid to wear the same dress as the bridesmaids but in a different color. Or, choose the same color and fabric in a slightly different style, length, or neckline.
If your wedding is traditional but you'd love to include a touch of whimsical fun, play it up with an honorary bridesmaid's gown in a pretty floral pattern or colorful print.
You can also distinguish an honorary bridesmaid from the other bridesmaids by asking her to wear a corsage instead of carrying a bouquet.
At Bella Bridesmaids, you can choose from hundreds of custom bridesmaid dresses in various color palettes, patterns, and sizes.
How To Ask Someone To Be an Honorary Bridesmaid
Photo: Bella Bridesmaids Baton Rouge / Rachael B. Photography
Whoever you ask will likely be happy to be part of your wedding. But it's important to exercise wedding etiquette and tact. After all, you don't want the person you ask to think they're not "good enough" to be a "regular" bridesmaid!
Here are a few examples of how to ask and what not to say. Remember to speak from the heart and tell them you consider them loved ones.
With that approach, odds are, they'll be thrilled.
The Older Relative
What to say: I care about you so much and would love to have you involved in my big day. Would you be my honorary bridesmaid? You can choose your level of involvement; I know you're busy, so don't feel bad if you can't make it to everything.
What NOT to say: You're so much older than the rest of us and will probably faint when you hear what we've planned for the bachelorette party. But I need your help with other things…
The Faraway Friend
What to say: I adore you, and even though you live across the country I'd love to have you involved in my wedding, even if you can't be there for everything. Would you be my honorary bridesmaid?
What NOT to say: I don't know if I can count on you to be an actual bridesmaid, so that's why I'm seeing if you'll be an honorary one instead.
The New Friend
What to say: You've really touched my life in the short time I've known you, and I'd love to have you involved in my upcoming wedding as an honorary bridesmaid.
What NOT to say: You're not one of my closest friends; they're all bridesmaids. So, how do you feel about being an honorary bridesmaid?
Ensure you convey why you value the person you chose and why you picked them specifically for this role.
Play up the benefits if this is your introverted friend from middle school who isn't part of your inner circle of friends or someone who has a long way to travel. They'll be happy to know this role has more wiggle room!
They get to be part of your big day and help how they can without extending themselves beyond what's comfortable.
Reasons To Have an Honorary Bridesmaid
Photo: Sage Design Company
Even though she's not an "official" member of the wedding party, your honorary bridesmaid can help you with whatever you need.
Consider her strengths and how they can lend themselves to the big day while considering what she may or may not be willing or able to do. Even if she just offers emotional support, it will be worth it!
Whether you have a wedding planner or are the wedding planner, extra help is always appreciated.
Here are some other ways your honorary bridesmaid can help you:
- Getting ready
- Setting up the wedding reception
- Getting guests to dance
- Solving last-minute "emergencies"
- Creating DIY décor
Essentially, they are there for you in any capacity they can be, but they're not expected to do all that a bridesmaid does.
Honorary Bridesmaid Dresses That Might Be Perfect for the Big Day
Jenny Yoo Lynette Dress
If your bridesmaids are wearing light blue, sage, tan, or taupe, the Jenny Yoo Lynette Dress in Enchanted Floral Blue Agate is perfect for an honorary bridesmaid. The combination of the soft floral embroidery, off the shoulder neckline, and slim column skirt make it clear that the woman wearing this dress is no ordinary wedding guest.
Dessy Group BB130 Dress
The Dessy Group BB130 Dress is stunning in lightweight chiffon with a one shoulder bodice and slit circle skirt. Available in more than 70 colors, it's easy to find a color that complements your bridesmaids dresses without matching them exactly.
Amsale Inaya Dress
If your bridesmaids are wearing full-length gowns, one way to differentiate an honorary bridesmaid is with a chic midi dress like the Amsale Inaya Dress. In fluid satin fabric, this empire waist slip dress features a keyhole detail on the bodice and an open back with crisscrossing straps.
Elliatt Ruelle Dress
The Elliatt Ruelle Dress is perfect for an honorary bridesmaid if the wedding party is wearing long black gowns. With a full high-low skirt, asymmetrical waist, and square neckline, this gorgeous design is ultra-flattering on bridesmaids and honorary bridesmaids alike.
The best, most memorable weddings are a fusion of love, family members, friends, and community. Toss in gorgeous dresses, flowers, and champagne, and you've done it. You've pulled off the perfect wedding!
And with an honorary bridesmaid to enjoy the celebration with you, you'll have even more love and support along the way.
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